Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
The Wendy happened on November 16, 2013 and featured Sebastian Forray, OTIS IKE, Bradley Kerl, Erin Joyce, and I. Held at the site of a former Wendy's drive thru. Organized by the honorable Cody Ledvina.
with Erin Joyce
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
"I want to thank all of my girls for coming out tonight to California Pizza Kitchen. Now, I wasn't expecting presents since this whole thing is kinda last minute, so I want to send a special shout out to Tiff G. and Savannah for the Kohl's and TJ Maxx gift cards. Baby's gonna be a Maxxinista!!" A chorus of giggles filled the booth. A friend stood up: "Lacey, this little bundle of joy is quite a ... surprise... Please tell us how it all came about!" "Well," Lacey smiled. "Yes, I've had to keep my story under wraps for a while, but I guess it's time for me to spill the beans. Six months ago, I was selected to star in a new prime time reality television show based on "The Bachelorette" geared towards today's burgeoning Czech-American audience. While we were shooting, I was sworn to complete secrecy... That's why I told you girls that I was going to Hawaii to do a Yogalates retreat! As the star of "Czech Mate," I had my pick of 20 hot, young Czech-American studs who competed in a series of wet n' wild mini-challenges, all in a battle to win my heart. Well, we were two episodes from shooting the season finale when that terrible Czech tourist bombed that Idaho elementary school." A round of mournful hugs circulated through the booth. "My heart goes out to those poor little angels, flown away far too soon! In my grief, I turned to Derek, one of the sound guys on the crew. He became my rock and I've leaned on him ever since. Anyway, with all the bad press that Czech-Americans were getting after the tragedy, the producers decided to pull our show, and I came back here." "Oh my goodness, Tracy!" Tina exclaimed, “what a rollercoaster ride!" "It's crazy, I know," Tracy grinned. "And that's why we're naming the baby Calamity."
Across town at the Dave & Busters, Derek and some buds were downing their fifth round of brews and majorly scarfing some hot wings. "Yo dude," a bro piped in, "what ever happened to Señor Bang 'em N' Slang 'em?” A round of high fives went around the table. “Seriously man, how come you knocked this chick up?" Derek rolled his eyes. "All right, fools. Here’s the deal: I went up to Philly to do some construction work for my Uncle Linus. So, I was renting this Craigslist shit hole in North Philly and I had this ass clown roommate from, get this, Sweden." A chorus of boos around the table. “Anyway, one night, the doorbell rings. Euro dick’s all locked up in his room blasting his music-poems, so I go out in my towel and open the door. I see this hot chick asking me if I ordered her services. I'm like, 'Holy shit! Sven actually grew some balls and ordered a hooker!' So what did I do? Escort the lady straight to my room and bang her brains out. You snooze you loose, fucktard!" More high fives. "Anyway, a couple weeks later, the girl shows back up at my door. I'm thinking it's go time, lil’ mama came back for round two. But then she ends up crying and telling me she's all preggos and shit. Well, I flipped out for a sec. But eventually I decided to do the right thing and bring her down here so we can raise the kid.. So yeah, that's how I met Lacey." "Holy shit, man!" a friend exclaimed, spraying hot wing chunks out of his mouth, "what the fuck?!" "It's crazy, I know," Derek grinned. "And that's why we're naming the baby Calamity."
The Real Story
Six months and one week ago, Derek "Stinger Boi" Valdez was working a covert assignment as a stealth bomber at the McNair Air Force Base in Zamboanga City, Philippines as part of a Top Secret US counter insurgency operation against the MNLF Zamboanga rebellion. Stinger served as the lead pilot of nightly strikes against enemy target points across the vast, jungled archipelago. After one of his raids, Stinger was aimlessly cruising Facebook when he came upon the profile of Lacey McCoy. In her "About Me" section, he read: I'm just an old fashioned gal with a lot of heart waiting for my prince charming to scoop me up! Some say I'm high maintenance, but don't count me out! I can run with the big dogs when it comes down to it. Hugs, Lacey" Stinger sipped his Bud Light thoughtfully. Things had gotten extra lonely during his deployments ever since his best friend Big Dave was stationed in Afghanistan. Aside from flying, shit was boring on base. On a whim, Stinger wrote Lacey a heartfelt message, followed by a tasteful dick pic. Now, Lacey wasn't normally the kind of girl to do stuff like this, but within a week she was on a plane headed for the Philippines. Moments after her plane landed, machine gun fire and explosions broke out. The base was under Rebel attack! After hours of heated battle, the base had been totally leveled and the American forces were in shambles. In one last desperate gasp, the young couple made love in the last standing bunker to the sound of bullets pinging. Miraculously, by the time they were done, an American First Aid helicopter was swooping low among the torn banana trees, looking for survivors. Lacey and Derek ran out, hopped on board and, after a few intensive months of confidentiality debriefing, were back in the US six months later. And that's why they're naming the baby Calamity.
Me: Check out my view from rice library AKA Bougopolis. Lov it
I had my frist spring roll ever at rice
Good setting for it
Friend: a wht girl let me try it
I was totally blown away by the rice paper
Friend: Girl u kno my Parents did not eat spring rolls!
Me: My parentd told us that indian food contained monkey brains
Friend: Lol my mom told me that Chinese food contained chicken butts
Me: The skin on my face is so messed up
Mom: Go get the broom and have your roommate sweep your face
Me: L M A O!!! Curanderizmoo
Mom: Wish grandma was here she'd know what to do maybe she'd tie some cactus on your cheeks
Me: !Upale! Thats old school healingz
Mom: Right? The old school way that always works
Me: Gotta go back to basics
Mother nature 101
Mom: Yeah we do lets Google Mexican basics
Have you done research on that
I'm practicing my knife skills you know you never know when you might need to kill a goat
Dermatology diagnosis - needs more goat meat
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
The Great Caliph Boabdil
Long ago, in the ancient city of Granada, there lived a great caliph. The Mighty Boabdil was king of the last jewel of the Spanish Muslim empire, and made a martyr out of many a Christian crusader who attempted to storm his gates. Boabdil lavished in his splendiferous wealth; his palace was a wonder to behold, beset as it was with beautiful gardens, libraries, and even a menagerie of wild beasts collected from afar. The Great Caliph Boabdil was much feared and much hated, known as he was throughout the land. But as fate would have it, his destiny, and indeed the destiny of an entire continent, would soon change.
On that fateful Tuesday, Boabdil was "blowing off steam" in the Geode Room of his Korean-style sauna with the Sorcerer Brian al-Habib.
“Sorcerer Brian, we made martyrs out of many a Christian crusader who attempted to storm our gates. But we have also taken them over linguistically: alfombra, almohada, alacrán... all the Spanish words that start with ‘al-’ are from Arabic. Plus ojalá’s got the word ‘Allah’ in it. ” Boabdil pantomimed a basketball free throw. “It’s like, Allah-y oop!”
“Truer words were never uttered, O True One.”
“I’m like, hey whiney Christian converts: we were the ones who ushered in a time of relative prosperity to the region. Remember algebra, chess, and garbanzo beans? Oh yeah, that was from us. Booyakasha.”
“Wiser words were never spoken, O Wise One.”
“And don't even get me started on the complex and unique hybridity of Mozarabic language, art, and culture that our presence in the Iberian Peninsula has spurred.”
“A compelling confluence of cultures indeed, O Cultured One.”
“Sorcerer B-Dog, I'm feeling good today. Screw it. You know what I think? I think today's the day that I unveil my secret to the world: I'm gonna do a thing about my Performance Art."
Alarm flashed in the Sorceror Brian al-Habib's eyes. As a member of Boabdil's inner circle, he was one of the few who had witnessed the great caliph's performance art ‘experiments’. “Master Boabdil,” he entreated, “Pardon my insolence, but... I do not think it advisable to... overwhelm the people with your gift during this time of war and strife.”
“Nonsense!” Boabdil snapped his towel at the Sorceror Brian al-Habib. “With all the Christian siege this, and poisoned water supply that going around, a little art therapy is just what this place needs. Here’s the deal: all of my courtly artisans shall give a 5 minute talk about their current projects, and I shall present on my performance art last. We shall call it a “Pecha Kucha,” in honor of my distant cousin, the Esteemed Caliph Pecha Kucha of Medina. Afterwards, we shall do a lil’ wine n' cheese reception.”
These final words were met by an enormous flash of lightning, an ominous clap of thunder, and a demonic peal of laughter from the bowels of hell. Unphased, the Great Caliph Boabdil bounded off to assemble his Powerpoint Presentation as the Sorcerer Brian al-Habib sauna-d on with dread.
That evening, under the glow of a hundred candles that threw light across a thousand tiles lining the courtly chamber, the Pecha Kucha was under way. The Fat Eunuch Jimmy Angel passed the king a note:
“OMAllah. So much mediocre art... Why? They could have gotten real jobs... made real $$$ and be living in some big house by an Olive Garden. You know they microwave their food anyway!”
Boabdil snorted and looked up. It was his turn! He triumphantly brandished his flash drive and approached the podium. A hush fell over the crowd.
"Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and ... gentlemen... Ladies... and... gentlemen..."
Holy shit. Boabdil’s mind had gone completely blank. In a panic, he scrolled through his Powerpoint way too fast, stuttering incoherently about performance art for performance art's sake, performativity and historicity, performance art bridging boundaries...
In a flash, the audience became an angry mob; he was serving performance art jargon and no one was having it! Boabdil dropped the mic and ran away as fast as he could. Just as he reached the peak of a nearby mountain, he looked down on his beloved city. The Christian armies waiting outside the gates were invading! Boabdil’s eyes welled up with anguished tears. Suddenly, there was a rustling in some nearby bushes.
“You failed, Sonny Boy.”
“...Mom?” Boabdil didn't know that his mom had been at the Pecha Kucha; she never supported him on his artsy things! “But... performance art is still a new and controversial genre! Just give it a little time, and...”
“Nope. Granada is totally screwed. You betta weep like a woman for that which you could not defend like a man."
From that moment on, the Iberian Peninsula was returned to Christian rule and Boabdil was forever shunned from the world of mankind.
Monday, July 29, 2013
-New Exploring Latino Identities interviews up on Glasstire: Michael Wellen and Tatiana Reinoza
-Please check out "These Things are in a Book Somewhere", an exhibition at the University of Houston's M.D. Anderson Library with me, Cody Ledvina, and Lane Hagood. July 25 - September 5, 2013.
-Max Fields and Olivia Junell of the Contemporary Arts Museum Houston for including my performance in the Do It Houston exhibition at Alabama Song.
-Whitney Radley of Culture Map for featuring me in this article.
-The University of Houston for the Freed Travel Grant and the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Center for the Arts Scholarship.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Please check Glasstire (www.glasstire.com) for my interview series Exploring Latino Identities.
NYC artist Carlos Rosales-Silva
University of Houston PreColumbian Art Historian Dr. Rex Koontz http://glasstire.com/2013/05/24/exploring-latino-identities-dr-rex-koontz/
Houston artist Gabriel Martinez
University of Texas PhD Latin American/Latino Art History candidate Rose Salseda http://glasstire.com/2013/06/16/exploring-latino-identities-rose-g-salseda/
Honduran-born multimedia artist Alma Leiva